Alicia Tobin is a Vancouver-based comedian who likes to talk to nice people and nice animals.  She has a lot of questions that go unanswered because she is polite. She used to live near me but then that changed when I moved from Vancouver. When talking about heavy petting recently, Alicia wanted to know more about, well, a lot of things. Take it away Alicia.

Hi. This is Alicia. Is now the time to apologize to Elianna for thinking she was some sort of make-out bandit? Elianna mentioned having made out with someone— and feeling pretty close to my pen pal (Ed’s note…pen pals are technically people who write BACK AND FORTH, which Alicia has yet to cotton on to) I asked— what does making out mean to you because it seems like it means something different to everybody else right? Or is that just I? When people say— oh I made out with that person, my mind kind of goes blank – what do you think they mean?

Alicia Tobin: First question. Is it always clothes on?

Elianna Lev: Making out means the clothes are on. They can shift around a bit, up and down and perhaps to the side, but making out involves being mostly fully clothed.

AT: Hmmm, I think I am getting a clearer picture. Yup, unhunh. Is it not cool to take your pants off if you want to because you are hot? Pants are hot sometimes.

EL: Once the pants are off, it is hard to not go further. For me, pants off means taking things to the next chapter in the book of intimacy.

AT: Is it necking or Frenching? Also, I thought necking was Frenching.  Explain.

EL: When I hear “necking” I think about that game kids play on Fun Sports Activity Day where you have to pass the apple along with your neck. That said, Frenching DEFINITELY involves a lot of, if not all, tongue. When I was 12, I learnt FIRST HAND that the traditional way to French is to move your tongue in a clockwise or counterclockwise motion around your boyfriend’s tongue. I once made out with a guy who stuck his tongue out into my mouth and just sort of let it chill out there, without moving, like if I’d had pulled away, he’s just be standing there with his tongue hanging out of his mouth like a slug. It was confusing and not what I would describe as Frenching. I also dated a guy whose tongue mimicked a hissing serpent when we kissed. That thoroughly disgusted me.

AT: So I don’t need to bring an apple to the make out? That’s a relief because I already ate it. Can making out be everything except sex? I know that oral sex is still considered sex by parents, but seriously— it doesn’t count— OR DOES IT?

EL: Oral sex is not making out. Oral sex is technically foreplay, or a reward/perk me up/time waster, if you’re in a relationship. Example, if your boyfriend was just denied entry in the US and comes home all bummed out, you give him a bj.  However, when you’re single, oral is usually something you do when you’re drunk at a wedding or when you’re about to have some intercourse.

AT: Nope.  Not at the weddings I go to.  At the weddings I go to I focus on the beauty that is the sanctity of marriage, the union of two best friends whom are also deeply in love, the buffet, and the open bar.  Not in that order.

EL: Really? As a single gal, weddings are my time to shine. And by shine, I mean act super inappropriately and grind my ass into dudes’ laps and wind up in the bushes with someone I met only an hour earlier. I’m generally not that girl, but at weddings I’m totally that girl.

AT: Is making out okay on the first date?  Please say yes.

EL: If I’m super attracted to someone, yes, ‘cause I usually feel like I might as well try and get what I can get while I have this person cornered. But my gay friends have tried tirelessly to hammer into my head that the less you put out on a first date, the more that the guy will jerk off to the thought of you until you see him again. I guess that means there’s potential for the next make out to be really super hot.

AT: Making out is so fun right?

EL: Oh my goodness, it’s so fun.

AT: Have you ever made out with someone because you were bored? Or does this only happen to country girls?

EL: Lately the guys I’ve been making out with are all fellas who have no interest in me as a girlfriend, which makes it easier not to get attached, but still kind of sore for my self-esteem…but it’s not like my self-esteem has ever been a priority. I’m working on it. So basically it’s like, I can stay in and watch TMZ or go out and make out with a guy just for the sake of making out. Kind of a tough call but since TMZ is available online, I generally opt for the make-out option since as we said earlier, making out is so much fun!

AT: So, what makes you invite someone back for the make-out part deux?

EL: I usually hound the guy a bit or if he’s more into me, he’ll ask me out. It’s been a long time since I’ve been on the same page with a fella so it always feels a little game-y.

AT: Hmm, hounding—I like the sound of that. I have been told that I am a very good kisser.  I just wanted to put that out there.

EL: Ditto. I was recently talking to a make-out partner about people who aren’t good kissers and how weird it must be when they finally meet their match. Like those virgins on that TLC show.

AT: My friend once got paid to make-out with someone who was very hot. Is this a job?

EL: Yeah. In the same way that mailing your undies to men over the internet is a job.

AT: I do need a job but I also need my underwear. Let’s generate more income ideas later. Elianna, you are a real sauce pot! Thanks for all your advice and for being so good looking.

EL: Wow, that’s nice to hear. I wish some of the dudes I made out with said things like that to me.

Hi readers! Did I miss anything when broadly trying to summerize the term “making out”? If so, leave me a note below or on Facebook or via email, write@eliannalev.com or where ever else you find me. ‘Cause I love making out with you via the internet!