Hi.  You’ve reached Elianna Lev…I’ll be on a mental sabbatical for the next two weeks. Please feel free to review a short writing exercise I did with my best friend Chris… or leave a message after the beep.

The following  are a series of super embarrassing excepts I found in my best friend Elly’s journal. I mean…DIARY.

Signed,
Chris Jacot.

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Dear Diary,                                                                                    July 1, 2010

It’s been a while…. How are you? Are you feeling better than last week?… umm? That was a funny thing on Tuesday, no? Although I wish I hadn’t bruised myself so badly.

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Dear Diary,                                                                                    July 2, 2010

You make me CRAZY sometimes…

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Dear Diary,                                                                                    July 5, 2010

Sometimes I wish you were a little more understanding. I mean, you’re just so…ughh.

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Dear Diary,                                                                                    July 6, 2010

I hate to tell you, but you’re really boring.
No offense, but you’re really boring sometimes.

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Dear Diary,                                                                                    July 8, 2010

Please do not leave yourself around my apartment.

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Dear Diary,                                                                            July 8, 2010 10:30 p.m.

…and my dog has a boyfriend and I don’t. My fucking dog has a fuzzy boyfriend. And I don’t.

Diary?… will you? Say yes, please.
Xoxo

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Dear Diary,                                                                          July 8, 2010 11:15 p.m.

Have you seen my jeans?

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Dear Diary,                                                                           July 9 2010, 2:15 a.m.

I’m exhausted… I know I should update my Facebook status but I so don’t feel like it. I just want it to be you me and a bottle of Baha Rosa.

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Dear Diary,                                                                July 9, 2010  4:00 a.m.

I just met someone really interesting online. He’s going to take me on vacation.

…somewhere warm I hope.

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Dear Diary,                                                                        July 27, 2010

You’re the only thing I have.

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Dear Diary,                                                                        Aug 2, 2010

I know we haven’t spoken for a while but I just wanted you to know…I am deeply upset with you. Your behaviour has been unacceptable in my books. (Get it? My books!) Sometimes I think you’re just, like,… NOT EVEN FUCKING LISTENING TO ME!

It’s really frustrating to live with.

And I just wanted to be honest. Because if this is going to work out, we have to allow some breathing room. I can’t breath around you, diary.

You suffocate me.

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Dear Diary,                                                                                    Aug 7, 2010

It is about me, all right!  It’s about me. All! About! Me!

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Dear Diary, Dear Diary, Dear Diary, Dear Diary,            Aug 15, 2010

How many times do you want me to say it? I love you. I fucking love you.

….

I have to go.

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Dear Diary,                                                                        Aug 20, 2010

Yikes… I was really drunk last night…I hope that comes out.

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Dear Diary,                                                                        Aug 21, 2010

Wanna know what I’m wearing?… It’s purple. It’s lacey. And it’s got little clips that can be unclipped….if you know what I mean.

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Dear Diary,                                                                        Aug 24, 2010

Last night was AMAZING!! Uhhhh.
You have an affect on me like no other diary…
I wish this moment could last forever.