So it’s been one year that I’ve been writing I’m a Good Story and this week I happened to hit a wall. I am a confident writer in that I feel that I can write about anything and somehow make it into a story. But this week, for whatever reason, I was stuck. I got nothing in me. Empty. Before I beat myself up about it, I called a few people I admire to help get this sucker rolling. And here’s what happened.

(Skyping my dad while he’s at work.)

Me: Hi Dad.

Dad: (Him looking at another computer and not me.) I’m listening.

Me: I have nothing to write about this week.

Dad: There’s no such a thing as nothing to write. Write… (stares off at his computer again) write about Wikileaks.

Me: I’m not interested in Wikileaks.

Dad: It depends how you look at this. Find an angle that’s original.

Me: I don’t think my audience expects me to write about Wikileaks.

Dad: Surprise them! Wikileaks and my life. The whole thing that you can eavesdrop information and publish them. (Eds note: My dad is ESL.) Imagine you wake up and everyone knows about you.

Me: That’d actually be nice if everyone knew who I was.

Dad: Say Hi to my friend Gary. (Motioning to some man behind him.) He’s editing with me. This is my daughter in Vancouver.

Me: Hi Gary. I’m going to call Chris. Maybe he’ll know what I can write about.

*

(Best friend Chris Jacot on phone.)

Me: Hi Chris.

Chris: Look I’m really busy right now.

Me: You always say that to me when I call.

Chris: Because I am. I’m always busy.  Too busy for you. I’ll talk to you another time when I’m not busy.

Me: But you’re always busy. You just said -

Click.

*

(Best-er friend Ronit Novak on the phone.)

Me: Ronit!

Ronit: Elianna Lev!

Me: What should I write about? I’ve been doing this for a year and I can’t believe I don’t have anything to write about.

Ronit: Why don’t you have a conversation with a human and get inspired? That’s your whole problem. You’re trying to get to the end without ever realizing that it’s about the journey, young Jedi. So go experience life so you know whether there’s anything worth writing about. All the writers out there are risk takers, and explorers and adventurers. The writing is an aside. It’s an excuse for them to go out and live life.

Me: But there’s too much going on in my head. I’m living in my head. And that’s what I like to write about.

Ronit: There’s more going on in the world than what’s inside your boney skull. Turn your skull off. Go stick your face in a wet puddle with soggy leaves and sniff it. Who wants to hear all about your brain all the time? Enough about you. You’re a processor. You’re not THE product.

Me: I want to be the product.

Ronit: People want the meat, not the processor.

Me: You’re saying I’m too self-absorbed? Because I know that already.

Ronit: I don’t know why you have to distill it down to one word. Just go out there and live your life. You’re so self-absorbed you turned around what I just said into you being self-absorbed. That’s what I’m saying.

*

Now I’m turning it on to you, dearest reader. What should I do? Please answer the following questions:

Should I get outside my head or stay there?
Should I go on meds or run away to Barcelona?
Should I keep pursuing the dream of being a writer or become a rational, boring person?
What should I write about? As in, what would you like me to write about?

I want to hear from you. Give me advice. Tell me what you think. Help I’m a Good Story get somewhere.  Let’s connect.

Oh, and thanks for all the feedback, love letters and words of inspiration you’ve sent me in the past year. You don’t know how happy it makes me. It means the world to me.

Hi.  You’ve reached Elianna Lev…I’ll be on a mental sabbatical for the next two weeks. Please feel free to review a short writing exercise I did with my best friend Chris… or leave a message after the beep.

The following  are a series of super embarrassing excepts I found in my best friend Elly’s journal. I mean…DIARY.

Signed,
Chris Jacot.

—

Dear Diary,                                                                                    July 1, 2010

It’s been a while…. How are you? Are you feeling better than last week?… umm? That was a funny thing on Tuesday, no? Although I wish I hadn’t bruised myself so badly.

—

Dear Diary,                                                                                    July 2, 2010

You make me CRAZY sometimes…

—

Dear Diary,                                                                                    July 5, 2010

Sometimes I wish you were a little more understanding. I mean, you’re just so…ughh.

—

Dear Diary,                                                                                    July 6, 2010

I hate to tell you, but you’re really boring.
No offense, but you’re really boring sometimes.

—

Dear Diary,                                                                                    July 8, 2010

Please do not leave yourself around my apartment.

—

Dear Diary,                                                                            July 8, 2010 10:30 p.m.

…and my dog has a boyfriend and I don’t. My fucking dog has a fuzzy boyfriend. And I don’t.

Diary?… will you? Say yes, please.
Xoxo

—

Dear Diary,                                                                          July 8, 2010 11:15 p.m.

Have you seen my jeans?

—

Dear Diary,                                                                           July 9 2010, 2:15 a.m.

I’m exhausted… I know I should update my Facebook status but I so don’t feel like it. I just want it to be you me and a bottle of Baha Rosa.

—

Dear Diary,                                                                July 9, 2010  4:00 a.m.

I just met someone really interesting online. He’s going to take me on vacation.

…somewhere warm I hope.

—

Dear Diary,                                                                        July 27, 2010

You’re the only thing I have.

—

Dear Diary,                                                                        Aug 2, 2010

I know we haven’t spoken for a while but I just wanted you to know…I am deeply upset with you. Your behaviour has been unacceptable in my books. (Get it? My books!) Sometimes I think you’re just, like,… NOT EVEN FUCKING LISTENING TO ME!

It’s really frustrating to live with.

And I just wanted to be honest. Because if this is going to work out, we have to allow some breathing room. I can’t breath around you, diary.

You suffocate me.

—

Dear Diary,                                                                                    Aug 7, 2010

It is about me, all right!  It’s about me. All! About! Me!

—

Dear Diary, Dear Diary, Dear Diary, Dear Diary,            Aug 15, 2010

How many times do you want me to say it? I love you. I fucking love you.

….

I have to go.

—

Dear Diary,                                                                        Aug 20, 2010

Yikes… I was really drunk last night…I hope that comes out.

—

Dear Diary,                                                                        Aug 21, 2010

Wanna know what I’m wearing?… It’s purple. It’s lacey. And it’s got little clips that can be unclipped….if you know what I mean.

—

Dear Diary,                                                                        Aug 24, 2010

Last night was AMAZING!! Uhhhh.
You have an affect on me like no other diary…
I wish this moment could last forever.

Hi reader. My name is Elianna Lev and I’m a good story. How’s that for an introduction? Too bold? That’s fair to think but you’re going to have to trust me on this one. I am a good story. You probably don’t know too much about me but that’ll change. To start you off, here are a few points you should know:

• I used to be a real journalist. I still do that kind of work here and there, and for that, I’m very grateful. But my heart is more interested in writing about things like this.

• As a result of my real journalism background, I ask a lot of questions. Usually probing and personal ones. I have a hard time bullshitting and I generally like to know what your story is within a few minutes of meeting you.

• I’m pretty much boy crazy. And not in a cute way. They are my vice.  I am currently in therapy for this issue.

• This column was originally supposed to be called “I’m a Good Story and So Are You” but there wasn’t enough room in the header graphic. My friends happen to be some of the most talented, ambitious and interesting people around. Which is why I’m writing this column. To share their stories. And mine. Well, mostly mine but also theirs a bit too.

I decided to call my oldest and dearest friend, actor Chris Jacot, to help me with this monumental, inaugural entry. You might know him from guest appearances on every show that’s ever been shot in Vancouver and a bunch of Lifetime movies. He now lives in LA. I asked him what he thought people should know about me. Most of the stuff he said was crass, vulgar, embarrassing and insulting so I edited it down a lot.

Me: Hi Kissy!

Chris Jacot: What do you want?

Me: I’m writing a column and I need your help. If you were to tell someone who didn’t know me a few things that they should know about me, what would you say?

CJ: That you’re a virgin! That’s what I tell everybody. Oh, and that you have excessive body hair.

(NOTE: That’s actually no longer true. I spent a huge investment on laser hair removal. It was the best decision I’ve ever made.)

Me: That’s not what I’m trying to get at -

CJ: Oh, another thing I’d like people to know about you is that you’re a Jew. So no Jew comments. No anti-Semitic comments, because you’re a Jew.

Me: That’s not -

CJ: Oh, and you love to look up your name on Google.

Me: Everyone does.

CJ: Like, every day. To see what has conspired between you and the world.

Me: If you knew how to type, you’d probably do the same thing.

CJ: Oh, you have terrible table manners. Please write “slurp, slurp,” because people will think that you just can’t use a knife and fork but it’s more than that. You’re disgusting.

Me: Ok, now say one decent thing about me.

CJ: Your mother should be a gay icon. She’s a queen.

Me: Thanks a lot Chris. I love you.