I'm a good story

Look How Wise I Am

Dutchie listening intently while not barking for once


More than any other time of the year, the last two weeks of December bring us an inundation of correspondence via letters, cards, blog entries, Facebook statues and emails of year end updates to remind us how much better everyone else’s lives are. Happy engagements, happy marriages, happy career advancements, happy new babies, happy families, happy friends, happy talented offsprings, happy accomplishments, happy things that you don’t have in your life.

I certainly won’t bore you with why my life is better than yours (I have so much freedom and a exceptionally amazing dog) or why my year was better than yours (I got paid to take the TMZ tour bus, visit Harrison Hot Springs and go to things like this pretty regularly). Instead, I’ll try to share the lessons I’ve learned and musing I’ve had and hopefully it’ll be a lot less obnoxious for those who feel like they need to compare themselves and their lives to mine based on some one-sided, rose-tinted rundown of the last 12 months.


I have to admit that while I’d experienced this before without realizing what was going on, I first really got the idea of surrender from (obviously) Oprah. More recently, I experienced the feeling of surrender after being in Toronto for seven months, living between anyone who might have been out of town for a while and my parents place in North York,  with little of the opportunity that I thought Toronto was flush with. There was a point where I felt so over and insignificant, as a writer, that I didn’t want to exist. Finally, I told myself that this time wasn’t forever and I might as well enjoy the support and love of those who were helping me attempt to forge a new life in my hometown. (I honestly thought it would be easy peasy to waltz right back there, after living away from it for 15 years, and establish myself as a somebody. In reality, no one in Toronto gives a shit about you. They’re far too busy working their important jobs to care.) When I got to that point, it was only a matter of days before I was offered a couple of gigs back in my spiritual hometown of Vancouver. I returned without thinking about it, and thrust myself into what was the busiest period of my career (which is now, kinda thankfully, over.) So just do it. Surrender. Let go of your expectations, especially the ones you place on yourself. It’s remarkable what can happen. (I feel like that should be on a poster with a photo of an iceberg or something.)


Even though I’m still judgmental and guarded (what? It makes me who I am! And likely you too…) I’ve made an unintentional effort to attract more people into my life. For one, it makes life less boring.  For two, I guess that goes with the perpetually-single-girl-who-despises-dating territory. I chat people up at dog parks, the hospital I volunteer with, backstage at dub step shows (we’re being open right, stop judging), and friendship forms, plans are made, life is a lot less lonely. Bonus points if you meet people who are new to this country or here on a work visa. Vancouver can seem so homogenous and getting friendly with out-of-towners really brings a unique level of richness that I never imagined could make me feel so good. They’re also a good accessory at parties!


I decided this year to consciously and mindfully try and change my habits with fellas and stop being delusional about the fact that continually dating assholes makes me a more interesting person or something. I decided to symbolize this closing of a chapter by interviewing comedian Neal Brennan, who I basically harpooned into answering my questions as the voice of the all-encompassing male “asshole” in hopes that I’d understand how they think so I don’t have to fall for them again. He took it like a champ (heh heh) but continually responded with curveballs I wasn’t prepared for – or at least didn’t fit into how I had sorted out the piece in my head. The interview also took place on my one day off that week, right before I was planning on going to the beach, so I suppose my head was in all sorts of places. Namely, the beach.

At some point during our chat, I had a rare moment of sheer inner clarity, where from somewhere in my brain I clearly heard the word: Listen.

It’s hard to articulate what was going on there, but I’m grateful for it, and decided to take that advice and use it as frequently as I can. Whether it’s dealing with silly boyos, or just about anyone else ever in life, I’m slowly starting to find that listening – really listening –  is the purest form of connection you can have with another person, particularly if they’ve been inside you.

In very little time, 2012 will feel dated and obsolete. All the memories, lessons, revelations, triumphs, failures, whatever else, will just be markers of a moment that isn’t now. I’m trying to remember that when I’m not feeling where I want to be, because I’ve come to realize, it’s the only thing that should matter.

Happy New Year, reader. I’m not really back at this blogging thing…I just felt compelled to do a year-end thing and I had the time. Still figuring out what to do with this here website but I’m sure it’ll come some time in the near future. Until then, thanks for reading and Google my name regularly. I’m out there.

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